I saw the symptoms before affluenza became a known buzzword. Before I was a mom myself. I saw kids who were never satisfied, and the older they got, the bigger the thrills they needed. I spoke to a dad of a 3 year old in my neighborhood who said to me one day "If you think it is hard to keep them happy when they are babies, just wait. It gets really hard when they're three!" Hmmm. I tucked that comment in my brain for pondering. We live near the world's biggest tourist attraction. I mean 42 square miles of ultimate entertainment -- the biggest mouse-related theme park and vacation kingdom there is. I knew kids in my neighborhood who, at age 10 or 12, had gotten bored with going there. Didn't want to "do D*SN*Y" anymore. Boring.
This is insane!! What is going on here? I have since learned it is called affluenza. A disease that is bred by the affluence we enjoy here in our country. We have the resources, so lets give all we've got to the kids. For better or for worse. So I thought about what effect this overstimulation of kids with entertainment and activities would have on them. It bothered me so much, that at some point when my oldest was still a toddler, I saw the handwriting on the wall, so to speak, and decided to change our path. My dh understood the problem immediately, and he was on board as well.
Since then, we have made a deliberate decision not to overstimulate our kids. Keep life simple and natural. Toys we chose were simpler, we tried to avoid logos and name brands, we shyed away from characters of all sorts (which are just ways of getting kids to recognize a brand at an early age). We stopped watching TV, and therefore, TV commercials. We tried to eliminate every aspect of commercialism that we could from our home. We minimized electronic toys and gadgets, for ourselves as well as the kids. We dish out computer game time in very sparing doses.
Now the kids don't know what they are supposed to want for Christmas. They just know what they like.
We heard of a family that gave their kids three gifts per child for Christmas. After all, Jesus himeself received three gifts. We did this each Christmas, and found that they still ended up with too much stuff. (this past Christmas, we loosened this rule to allow for stocking items and educational items as extras. Since we don't buy them gifts all year round, except birthday and Christmas, we find we need to stock up a bit on those educational items).
I know. By now you think we are very odd. Just keep reading. Horror of horrors -- we never take the children to any of the world famous theme parks that we are "privileged" to live nearby. We tried it once, when my oldest was 4. He couldn't handle the stimulation, and had repeated meltdowns in the park. We decided we wouldn't do it again for years to come, and we haven't.
Theme parks are like Fr*tos or L*y's Potato Chips to a child's sensibilities. Once they get a couple of experiences of them, it grays out all other more subtle life experiences. Especially when you live right near those theme parks. No other place quite measures up. We want to avoid that. There is plenty of time for them, when they are older.
We approach every event, every vacation trip, from the point of view of how much it could overstimulate our children. Because when you overstimulate, and overstimulate, and overstimulate, pretty soon it takes more, and more, and more to provide the same thrill anymore. Life itself gets duller and duller. We human beings are made that way.
We talk to the kids about being wise consumers, and avoiding the pitfalls that advertising set up. Recognizing a gimmick when you see one. Does this toy really look like it did on the cover of the box? Isn't it just a bunch of little plastic pieces and stickers to put on? Where does the fun come from? YOU! You can make your own fun.
I hear parents comment often in amazement about how their youngest children were alway initially more enthralled with the box than they were with the toy the box contained. We parents (and grandparents) are the ones who teach them to crave the toys. This doesn't have to be. They really can make their own fun, and should be required to, now and them. It is so good for them to be understimulated more. This is the classic case of less is better.
So, we remain low key in every area of the children's lives. Lives as commercial free as possible. As a result, they really do know how to make their own fun. They have a blast playing with blankets hanging over things. Exploring nature in our yard. Pretending together for hours. We read so many family read aloud books, so they have the ideas they need to create pretend play. Now that the door of reading is being unlocked to our younger child, I have caught them in the same room both reading their own books. It is a very rare time when they report that they are bored. Maybe once every couple of months.
Vacations are getting simpler and more frequent. We have stopped the nice hotels, and integrated camping into our lives. It took some getting used to, and we had to build up some new planning, packing and camping skills, but now we really love it. Vacation destinations are nature-based now. Mountains, scenery, state parks. The kids love it because they love nature.
Did I mention that my kids almost never have nightmares? (if I could just say the same about nosebleeds!)
Now, if you can find a down side, it is this. My kids are very sensitive to stimulation. Sometimes, we are watching a DVD, and if the movie is less than, say, 20 or 25 years old, it can be very stimulating. The scene changes at a frenetic pace, the action is non-stop, and it is difficult to always know what is happening. My kids, especially the 5 year old, don't care for this. My youngest has had a couple of nightmares in her life, and they have always (always!) occurred after a movie that I later regretted letting them watch. Yes, these are G-rated movies. They are just very stimulating, because folks demand that nowadays.
Tonight, we are going to do something that is unusual for us. My husband's work group has provided a fun night out. There will be S*nny's Bar-B-Q served for supper(yum!) and then a minor league baseball game, topped off with fireworks. We've never done anything like this before. We are looking forward to it, because it is such a rare experience, a big deal for our family. I'll post about how it goes.
This is insane!! What is going on here? I have since learned it is called affluenza. A disease that is bred by the affluence we enjoy here in our country. We have the resources, so lets give all we've got to the kids. For better or for worse. So I thought about what effect this overstimulation of kids with entertainment and activities would have on them. It bothered me so much, that at some point when my oldest was still a toddler, I saw the handwriting on the wall, so to speak, and decided to change our path. My dh understood the problem immediately, and he was on board as well.
Since then, we have made a deliberate decision not to overstimulate our kids. Keep life simple and natural. Toys we chose were simpler, we tried to avoid logos and name brands, we shyed away from characters of all sorts (which are just ways of getting kids to recognize a brand at an early age). We stopped watching TV, and therefore, TV commercials. We tried to eliminate every aspect of commercialism that we could from our home. We minimized electronic toys and gadgets, for ourselves as well as the kids. We dish out computer game time in very sparing doses.
Now the kids don't know what they are supposed to want for Christmas. They just know what they like.
We heard of a family that gave their kids three gifts per child for Christmas. After all, Jesus himeself received three gifts. We did this each Christmas, and found that they still ended up with too much stuff. (this past Christmas, we loosened this rule to allow for stocking items and educational items as extras. Since we don't buy them gifts all year round, except birthday and Christmas, we find we need to stock up a bit on those educational items).
I know. By now you think we are very odd. Just keep reading. Horror of horrors -- we never take the children to any of the world famous theme parks that we are "privileged" to live nearby. We tried it once, when my oldest was 4. He couldn't handle the stimulation, and had repeated meltdowns in the park. We decided we wouldn't do it again for years to come, and we haven't.
Theme parks are like Fr*tos or L*y's Potato Chips to a child's sensibilities. Once they get a couple of experiences of them, it grays out all other more subtle life experiences. Especially when you live right near those theme parks. No other place quite measures up. We want to avoid that. There is plenty of time for them, when they are older.
We approach every event, every vacation trip, from the point of view of how much it could overstimulate our children. Because when you overstimulate, and overstimulate, and overstimulate, pretty soon it takes more, and more, and more to provide the same thrill anymore. Life itself gets duller and duller. We human beings are made that way.
We talk to the kids about being wise consumers, and avoiding the pitfalls that advertising set up. Recognizing a gimmick when you see one. Does this toy really look like it did on the cover of the box? Isn't it just a bunch of little plastic pieces and stickers to put on? Where does the fun come from? YOU! You can make your own fun.
I hear parents comment often in amazement about how their youngest children were alway initially more enthralled with the box than they were with the toy the box contained. We parents (and grandparents) are the ones who teach them to crave the toys. This doesn't have to be. They really can make their own fun, and should be required to, now and them. It is so good for them to be understimulated more. This is the classic case of less is better.
So, we remain low key in every area of the children's lives. Lives as commercial free as possible. As a result, they really do know how to make their own fun. They have a blast playing with blankets hanging over things. Exploring nature in our yard. Pretending together for hours. We read so many family read aloud books, so they have the ideas they need to create pretend play. Now that the door of reading is being unlocked to our younger child, I have caught them in the same room both reading their own books. It is a very rare time when they report that they are bored. Maybe once every couple of months.
Vacations are getting simpler and more frequent. We have stopped the nice hotels, and integrated camping into our lives. It took some getting used to, and we had to build up some new planning, packing and camping skills, but now we really love it. Vacation destinations are nature-based now. Mountains, scenery, state parks. The kids love it because they love nature.
Did I mention that my kids almost never have nightmares? (if I could just say the same about nosebleeds!)
Now, if you can find a down side, it is this. My kids are very sensitive to stimulation. Sometimes, we are watching a DVD, and if the movie is less than, say, 20 or 25 years old, it can be very stimulating. The scene changes at a frenetic pace, the action is non-stop, and it is difficult to always know what is happening. My kids, especially the 5 year old, don't care for this. My youngest has had a couple of nightmares in her life, and they have always (always!) occurred after a movie that I later regretted letting them watch. Yes, these are G-rated movies. They are just very stimulating, because folks demand that nowadays.
Tonight, we are going to do something that is unusual for us. My husband's work group has provided a fun night out. There will be S*nny's Bar-B-Q served for supper(yum!) and then a minor league baseball game, topped off with fireworks. We've never done anything like this before. We are looking forward to it, because it is such a rare experience, a big deal for our family. I'll post about how it goes.
2 comments:
We've never permitted TV, rarely movies, no computer games, no play station or other electronic garbage to pollute their minds, and I'm offended personally by people who run the DVD players in their minivans because their kids can't even look out the window for 5 minutes on the way to somewhere. Fast forward to kids between 8 and 25 years of age. My 20 year old son went across country to visit relatives, and came home offended because their 7 & 10 year olds wouldn't even put down the gameboys to say goodbye, even though it was obvious that my son would probably never be back to their house. My 20, 18 & 16 year olds, when the ecnetral air at one end of the house went caput earlier this summer, brought desk chairs and blankets to the playroom, and built themselves a "tent". Shades of being 6, 8 & 10 again, and so much fun. And, best of all, they are avid readers, all 9 of them, and people marvel sadly at how much brighter and more articulate my children are than almost everyone else. So, I don't think you're weird, and no one wants to get me started on affluenza (or living on credit cards or.....) LOL!
Excellent post. It needs to be published somewhere. Besides your blog, I mean.
Your life reflects my ideals-- though unfortunately not my reals, since my hubs isn't quite as idealistic as I am! I really try to guard against it and we do better than the "average" family, I'm sure, but not as well as yours!
We did D*sn*y ONCE, 7 yrs ago, b/c it was practically free for us. It was a nice opportunity, but not something I'd want to do often. I'd far rather repeat our vacation to Acadia National Park in Maine. The kids ask to go back there all the time. They rarely ask to go back to Mouse Land. Our vacations this yr are a family reunion at a bible camp in Middle-of-Nowhere, NY, and an upcoming long weekend at a friend's cabin in the woods. My kids are happy with that. Although I did so want to take them to Shenandoah NP! Maybe next year!