Oh boy. The other day I read this article on the repercussions of the Kash for Klunkers program and it made me sick to my stomach.

After watching Self-Reliant man spend the entire cool season building an engine, to think of the deliberate destruction of functioning vehicle engines really breaks my heart. For example, I repeat this quote from the article:

The program requires that the clunkers be put out of service for good, so dealers must destroy the engines on cars that are traded in. We watched this process yesterday at the DCH Paramus Honda in Paramus, N.J. It is quite laborious and potentially dangerous. And it certainly is final.

Nick Clites, who is in charge of used cars for the dealership, was prepping a 1988 BMW 535IS, with 214,000 miles on the odometer, for its death. He drained the oil, then donned a silky blue protective suit, goggles and gloves and poured a sodium silicate solution into the engine. He revved the car, and within a few seconds, the solution hardened into a glass-like substance, the engine seized up and the car was dead.

Is it just me who thinks this is absolutely nuts? How many of these cars were in much better shape than true clunkers that are still out on the road, owned by people too poor to consider buying a new car, even with a $4,500 discount? And we are deliberately destroying them, for what? Just so someone can buy a new car that gets at least 4 mpg better? This is insane.

How much CO2 is produced by the manufacture of a new car? Anybody think about it?

But with those in charge in Washington these days, I am not surprised at the insanity. This was a program that helped a select group of people, dealerships for sure, and not poorer people but middle class at least. Yes, new cars got sold, but junk car businesses are now faced with the prospect of handling thousands of junk cars, all at the same time, making less profit on them (after all, they can't do anything with the engines anymore), and depositing untold amounts of material, that which cannot be salvaged, into the landfill.

It has been said that concern about climate change is the new religion, and I see how this is true. The biggest "sin" these cars committed was being unable to go more than 18 miles on a gallon of gasoline. So they got the ultimate punishment -- execution. It's all about CO2 now. Nobody cares about solid waste. Just CO2.

What do real environmentalists have to say about Kash for Klunkers? Or do we only concern ourselves with the earth when it means getting people to go out and buy something new? Let's get them to buy wind turbines, solar heating systems, hybrid cars, more efficient air conditioning systems? Don't really do anything to get people to conserve energy, or purchase less "stuff" so that less energy gets consumed in producing the stuff. Just figure out ways to make people buy expensive new gizmos, equipment, and vehicles by offering rebates for their purchase.

How many tons of CO2 does a human being produce in their lifetime? How about in a year? Is the new religion going to spawn a Kash for Grandmas and Grandpas program some day? With the plans going ahead on the health"care" bill, one never knows.

Yesterday was a big day in the life of the church we have been attending this year. They held the very first worship service ever inside their new sanctuary, and we were there. Whereas I had mixed feelings a few weeks ago about the new property, I have to say that the experience yesterday was very beautiful. The music was extraordinary. The sermon was on Jacob's dream of a ladder going to heaven, and his later realization that surely the Lord had been in this place. And it took me back to the church experience of my childhood.

The whole time you are there, you have to remind yourself that this is a brand new church, built in 2009, the 21st century. Nobody builds churches that look like this anymore. Churches look more like civic centers or all purpose centers than traditional churches. Simplicity is the rule of the day. There are certain reasons for this, one of them economic (obvious) and the other is that modern churches seek to create a different ambience, tone, and environment than the churches of our grandparents did, mainly to attract the unchurched and the under 40 crowd.

Well, I have to say, the under 40 crowd was definitely here in force yesterday. In fact, on a normal Sunday, this church has about 900 in attendance. Yesterday, this 1500 seat structure was packed and rows of extra seats had to be put out. It seemed like nearly all the Reformed world (at least in our part of the state) was there to see the spectacle and to enjoy the first preaching of the pastor, Dr. R. C. Spr* ul, in his new sanctuary.

Now normally, Self-Reliant man and I are very pragmatic when it comes to the use of church resources, preferring the simpler and more cost efficient/ economic solution when spending church resources. In fact, if you don't have the money, don't spend it. That is the way we live our personal lives, and that is the way we especially believe the church should be when it comes to finances.

However, we definitely were caught up in the enthusiasm of the day, yesterday. Like I said, it was truly beautiful. The worship experience (which was the same as always except for special music), the grounds, everything about it, were beautiful. Those of you who live near me, you must check this out some time, either for a morning or evening service.

Music was provided by the normal string quartet that plays at every service, but in addition, there was a brass and woodwind ensemble, as well as the adult choir and organ. The music was glorious, and the acoustics (for the music) were amazing. What a place to play the violin! I could hear our friend's (Miss O, the leader of Mark's chamber trio) first violin all the way in the back of the church. Music included Sleeper's Awake (Bach) and Allegro from Magnificat (Bach). It was magnificent. The hymns that were sung were Surely the Lord is in this Place (Colvin), Holy, Holy, Holy! (Heber), Amazing Grace(Newton), and a hymn that was written by our pastor, Clothed in Righteousness.

Well, I felt like we were part of history yesterday, as it was the 12th anniversary of the founding of this counter-cultural church. I didn't take any pictures of the inside of the sanctuary but I do have these few photos of the outside and the grounds.

Here is the main entrance, after the service was over.
This is the adjacent lake, with a view of one of the structures of the adjoining property of Lig*nier Ac*demy (brand new seminary and Bible college).
A shot across the lake revealing a different building. This is taken from the fellowship hall of the new church.
Here is another picture of the grounds that you walk past between parking and entering the church. Not a bad place to go to seminary.

We are truly amidst the dog days of summer here, and I am discovering that this is my worst season. Not that I didn't know this already, but this summer just serves to confirm it once again. Honestly, I went into summer with an open mind, even abstaining from air conditioning well into the month of May. But sitting here in late July, looking back, and mindful of the fact that we still have two official summer months left to go (plus an additional unofficial summer month) I realize that everything in my life that is not perfect is amplified in my mind during these summer months.

For some reason, I am more aware of the hormonal fluctuations that I go through and their effect on my state of mind, my emotions, and my sense of physical well being. Today -- even this week -- is a good week for me, but last week was not. In fact, I probably didn't blog about it last week because I was still "trapped" in it. Does that make sense?

So, on an "off" week, like the past week or so was, I experience mild depression, additional aches and pains, sciatica in my left leg (or lower back pain), fatigue, inability to concentrate and remember things, and a generally negative outlook. During such times, I find myself concentrating on all the things I worry about, all the things that are not perfect in my life, and the sense of isolation I often feel during the summer months. Summer heat and humidity tends to make all these things more intense.

These are the weeks when I worry about whether I will adequately meet the needs of my children in the oncoming year of our homeschooling journey. While I feel confident that they are getting all that they need academically, I wonder if they need more interaction with others outside the family. Heck, I know I do! Sometimes I feel like the Lone Ranger, you know? This year, it is all complicated by the fact that we started attending another church this year, and yet have not had the time to engage ourselves in the life and community of this church, other than to attend Sunday morning services. Due to our extensive home projects, we haven't joined anything, or gotten to know anybody yet. So I resolve to change all that come early fall when activities crank up again. But for now, I feel very isolated. Then, I remember my neighbor, in her desire to be helpful, telling me that I really need to be teaching my kids a foreign language, or we really need to be getting out to see my mother-in-law who can't travel and lives in an assisted living facility. So the guilt piles up.

Fortunately, there are always new things to consider and look forward to. There are always changes we can make and activities we can join. We don't live on a remote island by ourselves, but rather in an area with plenty to do for homeschool families. I just need to get off my duff and take advantage of them. We need to get involved more. It is not impossible.

Fortunately, this week has been better for me, physically and mentally, and I am able to look at things with better perspective. I have more patience this week. I feel more confident that we will be able to meet the challenges of the future. I think I can keep on keeping on.

We just returned from a long trip to visit my mother-in-law. It is a big deal for our family to get out to see her, and it always seems to cause her much emotional turmoil, due to the nature of her illness. Whereas she suffers in a way that we cannot fix for her, I concentrate on the fact that this visit was a blessing to her, even though it was difficult for her at the time.

In the morning, when I am walking the dog, I notice at a distance a young mother I know. She is running long distance, preparing for a marathon. I marvel at her ability, with young children, to set such a personal goal, and wonder how she does it (besides being generally younger, thinner, and more energetic than me). But then it hit me the other day. I, too, am running a marathon. It is a very long distance, and requires much stamina. Sometimes the scenery doesn't change very much. Sometimes I don't feel that I am getting anywhere. Sometimes I don't know how I am going to make the last miles. On some days, I don't even know how I am going to make the next stride. I often wonder at how every subsequent mile seems to take more out of me, and I wonder how I will make the finish line. Some days I am content to just stroll and put out enough effort just to creep over the finish line, even if everyone else gets there before me. How can I run so as to get the prize?

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 1 Cor. 9:24

Wow. There's the exhortation.

Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.. Hebrews 12:1b-2a

There's the advice I need.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.... Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40: 29, 31

And there's the promise!

Oh No! I am at it again. I do this every time my life slows down a little bit. Every time that I am not overwhelmed with the immediate activities and tasks around me. Every time I have a little breather. Yes, I create my own whirlwinds in my mind. That is, I begin to worry about the future. Every little single detail of it.

NEWS FLASH: We interrupt this blog post to view the launch of the Space Shuttle Endeavour from our front yard. Actually, I was so busy blogging that we kind of missed it, only hearing the rumble from inside our house. By the time we ran outside, it was a done deal, with too many clouds to get a decent view. Thankfully it finally launched, after this being the sixth attempt, thanks to our wonderful Central Florida summer thunderstorms!

Anyhow, back to what I was saying. It is during these times that I try to plan out my kids' lives. You know, everything from what activities they will be signed up for this fall to where they will be going to college. And along the way, I took detours into high school homeschooling options, their requirements and expenses, scholarship opportunities, academic requirements and prerequisites, math placement in Calvert, financial aid and strategies to get the most of it, local symphony orchestra participation, virtual school options for highs school courses, yadda yadda yadda.

All I can say is.... my poor husband. He patiently listened to me plan our kids' entire lives for the next 16 years, and never once did he say "Chill out, they're only in first and fourth grade!" He would be trying to talk to me about the evening's supper options, while meanwhile I would be talking about a website describing admissions requirements for the college of my choice (at the moment). You see, I create these whirlwinds of my own, and the internet just feeds into it. I can be such a restless soul sometimes. I can't help myself.

I think I have returned to earth now. It is summer of 2009, and my kids are 6 and 9. Let me remind myself to take one year at a time.

Sigh....

Little Son and Baby Girl have been interviewed for our local newspaper. I have marked and slightly edited the entry above. If you cannot read it, here is what was quoted:

"I like the pretty horses and the pony rides. I've been coming to the parade my whole life. I also like the candy and the airplanes." Baby Girl, 6 years old.

"I like the old cars because my dad has a 1969 Jaguar. I like the fire trucks -- they are loud. I saw the helicopters chasing each other." Little Son, 9 years old.

Pretty neat, huh? We were excited to see their photos in the paper. We are planning to bring a copy to their grandmother when we travel to see her this weekend.

My life has not been very bloggable this past week. But then again, maybe it has and I haven't had a chance to mentally process the micro-events of our lives and decide how to write about them.

I have been going out of my way to minimize my time on-screen, so much of my absence has been intentional. I am being convicted very much, lately, of the need to reduce screen time. I know I have been so addicted. This means I have gotten serious, once again (after not being serious) about keeping my computer time to weekends and Wednesdays. One the days where I eliminate electronic technology from my life (lovingly referred to as "amish day" here at home, to the disdain of my children) I have had to go to more effort to think of more constructive ways to fill the small voids in my day during which I normally would have slid onto the seat in front of the monitor and keyboard to check on ... whatever.

But I feel the results have been an enrichment of my days. There has been much more reading going on in our house, and more reading aloud as a family, and I am very happy about that.

Aside from this, here are more tidbits from our lives here at MOCS:

• Baby Girl has lost her top two center incisors within the past month. Here are some of the better photos of the results.
  

• We had a lovely Independence Day here at home, attending our local parade and lighting off our own small fireworks in our yard. Baby Girl was all dressed and ready to attend the parade, including a special bag she decorated to collect candy. Turns out I had to turn her around to change her outfit a bit, because this one would certainly have been too hot. The Fourth of July celebration here where we live is very nice, but we are always melting by the time we are ready to go back home.

• A local county newspaper interviewed both of our children for a column about our parade. As my children are both very opinionated, they were very happy to share their feelings about our local celebration! I look forward to seeing the results, with their photos, next week.
• We are bird sitting for nine days. Self Reliant man's boss' boss (or is it bosses' boss?) is the doting parent of these birds. The birds are Tweeters (parakeet), Sunny (cockatiel), and Mystic (lovebird). Prior to this, I had no experience with birds, and I am amazed at how BUSY they are, all day long (and Sunny is 21 years old!). The children have been giving these birds constant attention, and I have had to impress upon them the seriousness of this responsibility we have taken on. In other words, don't let the birds out of the cage (er.. house!), don't stick anything inside the cage without permission, don't spray any aerosol cans in the house, etc. Anyhow, the photos are not great of the birds. I'll have to work on that.
  

• We will be traveling sometime in the month of July to visit my mother in law, who lives in assisted living. It has been way too many months since we have seen her. Since we will be van camping while we visit her (in Florida.... in July) Self-Reliant Man has been working on making window shades to reduce the incredible heat gain through the windows of our van, so that the portable air conditioner can work, possibly, during the daytime, while the sun is shining (instead of just after sunset, or in the shade, or while it is raining, or at night, like it does now). Don't know whether it will actually work, but Self-Reliant Man gets an A+ for trying. They are simply blackout window shades held on by magnets, in our truest classy style of doing things **wink wink** Pretty fancy, eh? The camping neighbors in their Class A 40' motorhomes will be so envious.

See how dark they make the van interior, even with full sun shining upon the windows?

• We have made our camping reservations for our annual family vacation in late September. It will involve camping in three different locations in Tennessee. I will post more details about this later. It is so nice to have a cool mountain vacation to look forward to at this time of the year, and it is only two months away!
• Some of you know that our family is between churches. We have been attending a church since around Christmas, but have not joined, as we want to make sure that this is the right place for our family. Shortly after beginning to attend this church, we learned of the construction of their new sanctuary and fellowship hall. It was being built adjacent to property that is owned by a well known international Christian ministry (founded by the same pastor as the church). Well, as it is mostly finished now, today was the first morning that the congregation attended services at the new property. For about a month, services will be held in the fellowship hall, as the church awaits the final completion of the sanctuary. Well, right now, my first impression of this new location is that it is simply...... stunning. Yes, stunning would be the word. We haven't even seen the best part, yet, and the rest that we did see is just amazing. Amazing, as in..... over the top amazing. That is all I can say about it so far. A lot of money was spent on this facility. It is even going to be featured in a PBS program soon, due to the artwork and windows. Going to church there was a strange feeling, and I am wondering what effect the new environment will have on the church culture and congregation. Even the property and grounds are gorgeous. Many people were there today who we have never seen before, and they were taking a lot of pictures. It wouldn't surprise me if the photos were in cyberspace already. Anyhow, our family is taking all of this in, and figuring out what it all means. I don't know what else to say. It is hard to believe that this church still only has 600 members. These are photos of the church that I found through Google. They must have been taken within the past month or so. It only captures about half of the facility, that which is most visible from the road. The rest of the property contains two older mansions that are going to be modified to become a seminary. All structures are located around a small lake. The setting is really lovely.
  

• Our tractor has been working marvelously well. All Self-Reliant Man has to do is press the button for the starter motor and off he goes. This is such a beautiful thing! We can have the whole yard completed in between 2 and 3 hours, and the rest of the weekend available for other things. Hooray! Now here is poetry in motion...

• Finally, I am saddened by the news of a tragedy at my former workplace, W*lt Disn*y W*rld, early this morning when one monorail train collided with another. The 21 year old driver of one of the trains was killed, probably instantly. It was during one of the final runs of the night, at 2 a.m., after clearing away a large crowd from the Independence Day festivities. Having worked myself for years as an engineer, almost literally in the shadow of the monorail (my office window looked out at the monorail service facility), it is difficult to imagine the possibility of such an accident on this impressive form of transportation. It is the first fatal accident on this system in the history of WDW. My prayers and heart go out to the family of this young man, who never made it home from work this morning.