February 27, 2011 7:00 p.m.

This is the chair that I never have any time to sit and read in.

This is me sitting and reading in it on this beautiful, paradise-like Sabbath afternoon!

And it isn’t even Mother’s Day.  I am a blessed lady. (note: I am trying to stay ahead of Chips’ Calvert reading).

November 19, 2010 5:00 p.m.

We are nearing the end of our academic year.  Chips has six more days of Fifth Grade and we will be done until January.  I have to admit, I am so ready for it to end.

It has been a year of much learning, but it has been long.  We have worked really hard in 2010.  I have spent so much time on academics, leaving very little time for much else.  I do love Calvert, but it has been very time consuming this year.

Anybody who has read my blog for awhile has surely noticed a dearth of posts this year.  It couldn’t be helped.  I have had very little spare time.  But….when I look back over this past year, I am sure of a few things. 

• I am sure that there have been very solid academics accomplished in our home. 
• I am sure that our kids have learned much in our scripture and catechism studies.
• I am sure that they have been diligent in their music practice. 
• I am sure that they (and my husband and I) had a great time traveling out West this year. 

Don’t get me wrong; I am thankful for those things.

But when I look around, I am dismayed at all the other things that have gone undone.  I have often looked around the house in frustration over its state of disarray.   I have noticed the stacks of papers piling up on my desk, begging for a little attention (and/or a circular file).  I have seen the weeds in the yard, many more than I could ever pull.  I have seen the piles of books going unread.  I have seen the emails I have not replied to and the stacks of unfolded laundry.  I have bought ingredients to make meals for a lady with cancer, but it has been two weeks and I haven’t been able to get to it.

At times like this, it is impossible for me to not get on a guilt trip.  I see other mothers who have more children than I do, who homeschool them, and who seem to be always serving at church, so much more than I do.  I see other homeschool mothers who are baking more, crafting more, gardening more, reading more, blogging more, socializing more, and I wonder how they can do it all.  Either I am very, very, very inefficient, or surely they are not doing the academics that I am doing (?)    I do not mean to say this in a prideful way, although it probably sounds like I am.  I am just mystified, I guess.  Either I lack the energy, the brainpower, the computer / technological/ digital prowess, the help of extended family, or something else, because by the time I get done with all my have-tos, I have scant pockets of time left to do anything else.  My actual reading of printed material (not blogs and websites) has consisted of about two books for me this year, some read-alouds for the family (although I admit I haven’t even had much time for these), and reading the Calvert Fifth Grade reading books. 

Which leads me to ask a question.  I don’t know what other Calvert moms are doing about literature, but I find that if I don’t actually read the books that Chips is reading for his lessons, then I cannot fully draw out his thoughts and get proper answers from him for the discussion questions.  The answer key provides answers, but I am not equipped to evaluate the answers he does give unless I have actually read the chapters myself.  Does that make sense?  The same thing for American History.  It isn’t always easy for me to keep up with the reading, either.  I am often still trying to read the chapters of the day after dinner.

Another thing is, I try hard to uphold a high standard, not accepting any written work unless I feel it is up to par.  I have even had to reject two or three compositions this year that I felt were not Fifth Grade work (or a reasonable effort).  This is aside from the work that we send in to the ATS teacher.  If we have an outside activity in the afternoon, like chorus, or violin, then we return just in time for me to prepare dinner, and I don’t wrap up the school day until 7 or 8 in the evening (from checking work, evaluating work, having Chips correct and return the work, and in most cases having to go through a second iteration of this before accepting it and calling it quits for the day).   So, there have been days when I have felt resentful – feeling that I am “doing homework in the evening” like a public school  mom, but without having the benefit of the free time in the early part of the day – because I am teaching then, too.  Just being honest, here. 

So, I know there is a greater need for balance in my life right now.  January brings 3rd and 6th grade, and I don’t know if things will become better, or worse.  I know my younger student will still require a lot of supervision and one on one time.  But what about my 6th grader?  Will he get more independent of me this year?  Here’s hoping.  Any feedback I can get from other Calvert Moms would be most appreciated.

Anyway, six more lessons days.  Six more.  Then we will be free until January 4th.  Hopefully it will be a time of refreshment and recharging, as well as a time to regroup and think about what will work for us in 2011.

January 9, 2010 10:50 p.m.

It didn't snow here, today. The forecasters teased us all. Thousands of Florida children had visions of snowflakes dancing in their heads last night, but precious few around here actually got to see them.

I think my kids were disappointed, a little, but I think I was disappointed a lot. Now mind you, it was an unusual day here. In all my 17-1/2 years here, this was the coldest Florida day I have ever experienced. It never got above 36 degrees here all day. That's one for my personal record book. And yes, indeed, we did get sleet here. And the children ran outside and rode their bikes through it, and collected ice pellets in their inverted umbrellas.

And the local radar showed the familiar blue color oh, so close by, to the north of us, but where we lived it was pink, so we had to settle for sleet. So close, yet so far.

The failure for snow to materialize triggered emotions in me that I had forgotten. Emotions related to the loss of earlier parts of my life, when I was younger and when I lived where it did snow. I always was a lover of things cold; I was the kind of person who would travel to Canada in the winter months, who couldn't get enough of the cold and snow, with all its beauty and all its inconveniences.

Marriage brought me here to the land of only two seasons and no snow, and I regretfully left my four seasons behind. I truly did, although I was simultaneously gaining a new and wonderful life. Were Self-Reliant Man and I to have settled down where I once lived, life would have been very different for us. Probably more difficult. Perhaps we would have had to remain a two income family, and we may not have been able to afford to homeschool. Who knows? The Lord has us here for his perfect reasons.

But on a day like today, I admit I found myself briefly pining for something different, and as I worked to pack away all of our Christmas decorations, I found myself thinking deeply about life issues, like the matter of contentment, and of the fragility of our own hearts.

Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. PROVERBS 4:23 We are warned here to guard our hearts, and it is our duty to do so, and to do the same for our childrens' hearts. I thought, today, that if we were able to see the complete spiritual scenery of our lives, we would realize that we are each traveling on a narrow, rocky trail to our destination. Not only is the trail narrow and the footing difficult, but our path is flanked on one side by a steep drop off. So fragile are our hearts. We are helpless wanderers, dependent on the wavering affections of our hearts. If our hearts go astray, so do we. Go astray a few inches too far and off the edge we go.

Listen, my son, and be wise, and keep your heart on the right path. PROVERBS 23:19 We need to protect the hearts of our kids, too. For me, that means being very careful about what sort of things they are exposed to in their young years. Too much too soon and they become jaded and bored with life. Train them to find joys in the simple things, most especially in the beauty of God's creation, which is forever renewed, day by day. Show them how the Lord can be their portion, day after day. Don't roll out the fun experiences of life too quickly.

I had lunch with a dear friend this week, and we talked a bit about friends we each know who "have more". These friends have more money, they travel more, they go places that we only dream about going to. They have healthy, active, willing and available parents to further enrich their adult lives. We all have these kinds of people in our lives. You know who they are. They are the friends who send out Christmas letters every year detailing their world travels. And when we read them, it affects us. It affects our children. Makes us envious. Makes us discontent, even for a moment.

If anybody were to ask me on a typical day if I am happy -- if I am content -- I would quickly answer "yes!", for indeed I am. It is so easy to compare ourselves with those people who mail out those Christmas letters. But also this year, I am aware of friends who are thinking about far more than their annual vacations. They fear for their jobs; fear for their health. They wonder how they are going to make it through that next chemo treatment. They wonder if their husband will come home from active duty on the expected date. They wonder if they need a home health aide for their elderly parents. They wonder how their mother is handling life in the nursing home.

These friends have caused me to think nearly every day of how blessed and precious our lives really are. How thankful we are to have our health. I am thankful that I feel pretty good most of the time, even though I have my off days. I am thankful that we are able to homeschool our children. I am thankful that my kids are so healthy, happy, and easy to please. I am thankful that we are not actively worried about my husband's job security. I am thankful that our biggest problem right now is dealing with our rotten home insurance company, and that we can happily make plans and preparations for our next camping trip fifty miles from home.

Contentment is all about trusting the Lord to provide the things he know we need most of all. He knows our hearts better than we do. He is most concerned with our heart "health". He knows what is coming down the pike for us. He protects us from our own foolishness and poor judgment. He knows how easily we can be bored with our precious lives, and he sees all the cliffs and drop offs -- all the spiritual dangers that lurk around the bend that we cannot see or anticipate.

Contentment is about trusting the Lord. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. PSALM 27:4

No, maybe it didn't snow today. But this winter is far from over.

December 7, 2009 8:02 p.m.

The Christmas season often brings a range of emotions to me as my present day life mixes with the memories of Christmases past. I have a wonderful new life with my immediate family of four, yet I can't forget the wonderful life of my past, with family members who are either deceased, or living a thousand miles away. And there are those childhood Christmas experiences we all had, both good and bad, that can never be repeated again, remake the same impression on our hearts, or be experienced ever again in the same way.

As we have entered this final crescendo of 2009, I realize how truly blessed our family has been this year. While nothing especially dramatic or tremendous has occurred, we have experienced God's common grace in all areas of our lives. Many friends and acquaintances are struggling with tough situations around us, and these things just serve to remind me all the more of our blessings.

Which brings me to yesterday, a day of special blessing. Yesterday's worship service at church was completely beautiful, in an unexpected way. The music, the choir, the organ, the prayers -- seemed especially ethereal to me, filling me with happiness as I reflected on all our blessings this year.

To top it off, our children were participants in a lovely Christmas pageant yesterday afternoon. I had an opportunity to help with this, being in charge of the seven wise men (who said there had to be three?) and providing some of the refreshments. Considering that we are still pretty new to this church, one nice part was that the other ladies who were helping out made me feel like an old friend and not like the new mom in town, as we met the challenge of being sure that Joseph and Mary were available when they were needed in the program, as well as dozens of adorable sheep, shepherds, and angels. And the fact that my wise men were perfect gentlemen, both on and off stage (well, most of the time, anyway) was nothing short of miraculous.

It was a beautiful children's Christmas pageant, in a beautiful setting, with help from some very talented people. I was thankful that we could be part of everything at church yesterday, and the entire day placed a song of happiness in my heart.

I forgot (AGAIN!) my camera, so I hope to get some photos from others to post really soon. It was a beautiful day!