•3:50 PM
We are truly amidst the dog days of summer here, and I am discovering that this is my worst season. Not that I didn't know this already, but this summer just serves to confirm it once again. Honestly, I went into summer with an open mind, even abstaining from air conditioning well into the month of May. But sitting here in late July, looking back, and mindful of the fact that we still have two official summer months left to go (plus an additional unofficial summer month) I realize that everything in my life that is not perfect is amplified in my mind during these summer months.
For some reason, I am more aware of the hormonal fluctuations that I go through and their effect on my state of mind, my emotions, and my sense of physical well being. Today -- even this week -- is a good week for me, but last week was not. In fact, I probably didn't blog about it last week because I was still "trapped" in it. Does that make sense?
So, on an "off" week, like the past week or so was, I experience mild depression, additional aches and pains, sciatica in my left leg (or lower back pain), fatigue, inability to concentrate and remember things, and a generally negative outlook. During such times, I find myself concentrating on all the things I worry about, all the things that are not perfect in my life, and the sense of isolation I often feel during the summer months. Summer heat and humidity tends to make all these things more intense.
These are the weeks when I worry about whether I will adequately meet the needs of my children in the oncoming year of our homeschooling journey. While I feel confident that they are getting all that they need academically, I wonder if they need more interaction with others outside the family. Heck, I know I do! Sometimes I feel like the Lone Ranger, you know? This year, it is all complicated by the fact that we started attending another church this year, and yet have not had the time to engage ourselves in the life and community of this church, other than to attend Sunday morning services. Due to our extensive home projects, we haven't joined anything, or gotten to know anybody yet. So I resolve to change all that come early fall when activities crank up again. But for now, I feel very isolated. Then, I remember my neighbor, in her desire to be helpful, telling me that I really need to be teaching my kids a foreign language, or we really need to be getting out to see my mother-in-law who can't travel and lives in an assisted living facility. So the guilt piles up.
Fortunately, there are always new things to consider and look forward to. There are always changes we can make and activities we can join. We don't live on a remote island by ourselves, but rather in an area with plenty to do for homeschool families. I just need to get off my duff and take advantage of them. We need to get involved more. It is not impossible.
Fortunately, this week has been better for me, physically and mentally, and I am able to look at things with better perspective. I have more patience this week. I feel more confident that we will be able to meet the challenges of the future. I think I can keep on keeping on.
We just returned from a long trip to visit my mother-in-law. It is a big deal for our family to get out to see her, and it always seems to cause her much emotional turmoil, due to the nature of her illness. Whereas she suffers in a way that we cannot fix for her, I concentrate on the fact that this visit was a blessing to her, even though it was difficult for her at the time.
In the morning, when I am walking the dog, I notice at a distance a young mother I know. She is running long distance, preparing for a marathon. I marvel at her ability, with young children, to set such a personal goal, and wonder how she does it (besides being generally younger, thinner, and more energetic than me). But then it hit me the other day. I, too, am running a marathon. It is a very long distance, and requires much stamina. Sometimes the scenery doesn't change very much. Sometimes I don't feel that I am getting anywhere. Sometimes I don't know how I am going to make the last miles. On some days, I don't even know how I am going to make the next stride. I often wonder at how every subsequent mile seems to take more out of me, and I wonder how I will make the finish line. Some days I am content to just stroll and put out enough effort just to creep over the finish line, even if everyone else gets there before me. How can I run so as to get the prize?
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 1 Cor. 9:24
Wow. There's the exhortation.
Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.. Hebrews 12:1b-2a
There's the advice I need.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.... Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40: 29, 31
And there's the promise!
For some reason, I am more aware of the hormonal fluctuations that I go through and their effect on my state of mind, my emotions, and my sense of physical well being. Today -- even this week -- is a good week for me, but last week was not. In fact, I probably didn't blog about it last week because I was still "trapped" in it. Does that make sense?
So, on an "off" week, like the past week or so was, I experience mild depression, additional aches and pains, sciatica in my left leg (or lower back pain), fatigue, inability to concentrate and remember things, and a generally negative outlook. During such times, I find myself concentrating on all the things I worry about, all the things that are not perfect in my life, and the sense of isolation I often feel during the summer months. Summer heat and humidity tends to make all these things more intense.
These are the weeks when I worry about whether I will adequately meet the needs of my children in the oncoming year of our homeschooling journey. While I feel confident that they are getting all that they need academically, I wonder if they need more interaction with others outside the family. Heck, I know I do! Sometimes I feel like the Lone Ranger, you know? This year, it is all complicated by the fact that we started attending another church this year, and yet have not had the time to engage ourselves in the life and community of this church, other than to attend Sunday morning services. Due to our extensive home projects, we haven't joined anything, or gotten to know anybody yet. So I resolve to change all that come early fall when activities crank up again. But for now, I feel very isolated. Then, I remember my neighbor, in her desire to be helpful, telling me that I really need to be teaching my kids a foreign language, or we really need to be getting out to see my mother-in-law who can't travel and lives in an assisted living facility. So the guilt piles up.
Fortunately, there are always new things to consider and look forward to. There are always changes we can make and activities we can join. We don't live on a remote island by ourselves, but rather in an area with plenty to do for homeschool families. I just need to get off my duff and take advantage of them. We need to get involved more. It is not impossible.
Fortunately, this week has been better for me, physically and mentally, and I am able to look at things with better perspective. I have more patience this week. I feel more confident that we will be able to meet the challenges of the future. I think I can keep on keeping on.
We just returned from a long trip to visit my mother-in-law. It is a big deal for our family to get out to see her, and it always seems to cause her much emotional turmoil, due to the nature of her illness. Whereas she suffers in a way that we cannot fix for her, I concentrate on the fact that this visit was a blessing to her, even though it was difficult for her at the time.
In the morning, when I am walking the dog, I notice at a distance a young mother I know. She is running long distance, preparing for a marathon. I marvel at her ability, with young children, to set such a personal goal, and wonder how she does it (besides being generally younger, thinner, and more energetic than me). But then it hit me the other day. I, too, am running a marathon. It is a very long distance, and requires much stamina. Sometimes the scenery doesn't change very much. Sometimes I don't feel that I am getting anywhere. Sometimes I don't know how I am going to make the last miles. On some days, I don't even know how I am going to make the next stride. I often wonder at how every subsequent mile seems to take more out of me, and I wonder how I will make the finish line. Some days I am content to just stroll and put out enough effort just to creep over the finish line, even if everyone else gets there before me. How can I run so as to get the prize?
Do you not know that in a race all the runners run but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 1 Cor. 9:24
Wow. There's the exhortation.
Let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.. Hebrews 12:1b-2a
There's the advice I need.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.... Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40: 29, 31
And there's the promise!
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2 comments:
I'm right there with you. Heat, hormones, marathons and wondering if I will make it to the next mile marker. Homeschooling requires more endurance than I ever imagined in the beginning. I often feel isolated as well, especially in the summer when there seems to be an unwritten rule that all activities have to be put on hold. I'm avoiding my blog for the same reasons. No need to give the hormones a public forum.
As you know, we don't homeschool, but I have exactly the same experience in the summer months. I thought I was the only person to be afflicted in this way, and then reading your post you've described my experience exactly! It is the most unsettling feeling, but if it's any consolation to you I found a lot of encouragement in your post. If you feel like some mutual support/encouragement, feel free to email me at lindabruce234(at)yahoo(dot)co(dot)uk, inserting '@' and '.' as appropriate. But I understand if you don't need yet another computer distraction!