There are days when...
Author: Breezy Point Mom
•8:10 AM
... you just need some renewal of spirit.

This morning's prayer from Baby Girl went something like this:

Dear God, please help my teacher, mommy, not drop school, and keep teaching me. Please help her like what she has to do. Amen.

Not that I have ever talked about "dropping school", but she is aware that it is a big commitment for me.

Certainly, a prayer like that one can do much to renew my spirit!
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What Churches Should Be - Part 4
Author: Breezy Point Mom
•9:10 PM
Continuing my series from Marva Dawn's book Is It A Lost Cause?

Question #4: Are there some people in your congregation that you don't like?

Do we seek out a community where we will feel cozy and comfortable, where we think we won't have any social frictions because everybody is so like-minded?

Do we simply plan to leave a church to find a more compatible one when conflicts arise?

If so, how will we learn to love those who are not like ourselves? Wouldn't it be great if our children could observe us actively loving others in whom we don't delight?

I was thinking about this today, for even though we have settled on a church to attend for now, there are some things about it that don't enchant me. I was fretting a bit because it doesn't seem people are all that friendly. We are relative newcomers, but I need to cut these folks a break. This church is unique in that every Sunday there are a fair amount of "tourist" attenders: people who stop by and worship here when they are on vacation in the area, people who just want to hear the pastor, who is nationally known, preach. So these members are used to seeing a fair number of unfamiliar faces --- Every. Single. Sunday. Most of whom will not be back. So it is no wonder that they don't all extend themselves to us.

But as I was meditating on that today, I had to ask myself: why should everything about a church enchant me? Should I not be content that the church teaches the truth, that it has God-centered worship, that it is stable and growing, that it is a good steward of its resources, that it offers educational, fellowship, and service opportunities for our family? Since when does a church have to be custom-designed to suit me?

Wouldn't it be great if I just learned to accept a church with its imperfections, even as I hope that I will be accepted?
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Prayer of Abandon
Author: Breezy Point Mom
•10:45 PM
It's been sitting on my bookshelf for some 23 years. I have packed it and unpacked it and packed it again as I moved from state to state, home to home. But I never read it. In fact, I tried to get into it a few times, and never got anywhere. I'm not sure why. But then I read an article recently by someone who rediscovered the book in her own life, and I thought - gee, I have that book! I think I'll get it down and read it. The name of the book is The Christian's Secret of a Happy Life and it was written in 1875, and revised in 1888 by Hannah Whitall Smith. I think there was a reason that I haven't read this book until now. At my age, after being a believer for over 24 years, perhaps it is just now that I can bring enough of my own life's perspective to bear on the contents of this book.

So now, I am reading it, slowly, and rereading many of the sentences over and over again as I go... partly to relish its contents, partly to let the message sink into my brain and heart, and mostly because my ability to concentrate in my reading has been at a low ebb these days (more on that in some other post..)

Ms. Smith had the ability to break spiritual concepts down in concrete terms, and this my concrete engineer brain really needs, always has. She wrote, initially, about how Jesus not only frees us from the guilt and penalty of sin in the future, but also from its power in the present moment. How too many Christians are not living the life of being delivered from the power of sin. She indicated how we must abandon ourselves fully into our Father's hands, as the clay to the divine Potter. We must lie passive in His hands, in total trust, and allow Him to work in us to make us a vessel pleasing to Him, and suitable for his purposes.

She used excellent word-pictures. I like the picture of us as children in the Father's house, running free and light-hearted with the happy carelessness of childhood. And how God's heart is grieved when his beloved children take such anxious care and thought about their lives, instead of resting in His care.

But most meaningful to me so far was the prayer of abandonment and trust by which the Christian can enter (or re-enter) into this life. I will paraphrase it here:

Lord Jesus, I believe that you are able and willing to deliver me from all the care and unrest and bondage of my Christian life. I believe you did die to set me free, not only in the future, but now and here. I believe you are stronger than sin, and that you can keep me, even me, in my extreme of weakness, from falling into its snares or yielding obedience to its commands. And Lord, I am going to trust you to keep me. I have tried keeping myself, and have failed, and failed most grievously. I am absolutely helpless. So now I will trust you. I give myself to you. I keep back no reserves. Body, soul, and spirit, I present myself to you, as a piece of clay, to be fashioned into anything your love and your wisdom shall choose. And now I am yours. I believe you accept that which I present to you. I believe that this poor, weak, foolish heart has been taken possession of by you, and that you have even at this very moment begun to work in me to will and to do of your good pleasure. I trust you utterly, and I trust you now.

What a refreshing and renewing prayer to pray at this point in my Christian life. I picture myself as that child running gleefully through the rooms of my Father's mansion. Knowing that all is well as long as he is keeping my life. He loves me, and he is my Father. He knows more than anyone what's best for me, and would never withhold His best from me. He knows what's best. He knows what's best. If we Christians can really grab hold of this meaning, then we should know true peace and joy in the here and now.
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I saw my buddy last week!
Author: Breezy Point Mom
•7:03 AM

Last Friday, I got to see my buddy. (that's her in the picture, wearing black. I'm in pink). We will call her L. My kids call her TTL. Sometimes I even call her U/B, but that's a story that is not for this blog. L and I met over 12 years ago, during a past phase of my life, when I was an electrical engineer for the utility company of a very large and significant MAJOR TOURIST ATTRACTION and WORLD FAMOUS THEME PARK in this part of our state. Anyway, we became friends rather quickly, not so much due to MY great personality, but mostly do to L's amazing ability to connect with people on a level that is beyond superficial in a short time.

It wasn't long before I knew from her, and from another work associate there (remember Susan H?), that L and her dh were very committed Christians who were searching out the Lord's purpose for their lives, and trying to live it. This resonated with me, because I was at a point where I was seeking to "put off the old [wo]man and put on the new" in my life as well. We clicked and got to be really good friends. Within weeks, we were meeting during lunch time to study the book of James together. This mini one-on-one bible study eventually grew to include others at our workplace, including my own supervisor. It was pretty neat to have this spiritual refueling in the middle of the work day. I know I really needed it there.

While I was working there, before I became a MOM, L and I had offices right next door to each other, and we were able to share so many of the details of our everyday lives, and the lives of our families together. Fast forward 12 years later, and we still do that, as much as we can on an extended phone call every week or two, but it is impossible to be aware of all the details that working together provided. I do miss that aspect of working, although I don't miss working there that much otherwise (L is still in that office part time now) since it could be very stressful.

L has two sons. One is little yet, like my dd, and the other son is medium going on big (very soon). Let's say, when L and her husband came to our home for dinner for the first time, back in 1996, her oldest son was 6 months old, and I remember L having to clean out his messy nose with Q-Tips! I still have a vivid picture of that.

Back in those days, she shared with me all she was learning about being a parent of an infant, then 1 year old, then 2 year old, etc. And I was going through the whole entire infertility / adoption saga that can span many long years, and she walked, with compassion, with us through that valley.

Well, my friendship with L is one of the big joys of my life. We have a good level of understanding and appreciation of each other that falls not far short of family. In fact, we have met, and gotten to know, each other's family and extended family, and they are a part of my heart, too, especially L's beautiful and wonderful parents (who I always would like to see more frequently!).

I can count on L to point the way to Christ in any situation that I share with her. In fact, when our children were baptized in our previous church, L and her dh were our sponsors, which means that we parents are accountable to them for bringing up our children as Christians. L has taken this role seriously, bless her, and to this day she has sincere and loving interest in the spiritual wellbeing of our kids. When our son "turned his back on sin" and trusted in Christ, L was the one to really celebrate that event with us.

I could go on and on about L, and this post would be way too long, but hey, it's my blog, and I can post endlessly if I want to! She is the person I have called when bad things have happened. When I was in New Jersey with my dad in the hospital, and he was in the process of dying from chemotherapy, L was the person I called and cried to on the phone for an hour. When I thought my son was missing, and a search helicopter was hovering over our neighborhood, L was the person I called asking for prayer. And L knows that when bad things strike in her life, I will be there to uphold and support her, as she upholds and supports me.

When I become a shameless bragger about my children's successes, she really and truly rejoices and shares heart to heart in my thrills and my pride. Not very many folks can do THAT!

As far as pointing the way to Christ, L has the ability and desire to speak the truth to me in all things, and has challenged me on several occasions to do the right and responsible thing. Whew! Scary!

So, last Friday was an opportunity for one of our summertime visits where we go to her house and she treats me like a queen giving me a delicious lunch and chatting about our families, our churches, current events and politics from our "enlightened" point of view, and well you get it. She even celebrated three of our birthdays with us, all at once. It does my heart so much good to see how excited my children get when they are going to her home and playing with her sons. Perhaps their family holds the central place in their hearts that it does in my heart. Time flies at TTL's house. Now, I hope that they can make it to our place on August 7th like we discussed, because it would truly be a double treat for us.
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Thankful for a day like today has been..
Author: Breezy Point Mom
•11:26 PM
I had a good day. At a time in my life when I have been experiencing some burnout, today was a very good day. I have been praying for more help being patient, and finding joy in the small moments. Today it all happened just right. School went longer than normal, and I didn't get as much done with dd as I had hoped, but I relaxed about it and it turned out okay. We went to see our violin teacher, and she was having a good day, too. So there was more patience delivered to our children all around.

I confess that I don't know why I have been feeling the way I have. It has only been on some days, and usually only when doing school. I have been wondering if it has been hormones, because it feels like a mild depression. However, it isn't really so much about "doing school", for I realize that even if we weren't doing school, I would be feeling the same way. But the feeling comes and goes. It is here, as I recently told a friend, that I remember that I am helpless without God's help. I can be very dedicated and disciplined about the things I am passionate about. But I am helpless when I lose the passion about those things I believe I SHOULD feel passionate about. In fact, I have no control over my heart. I cannot keep my heart in the things I want to. Only the Lord can do this for me. I realize how important it is for us all to guard our hearts. It is the loss of heart which causes believers to stumble and fall. We are all walking on the edge of a precipice, and it is the simple loss of heart that can make us go over the edge.

So I am thankful for a day like today, when I feel like I didn't blow it. I remained patient. I heard someone say today that patience is not just being able to wait, but it is how you act while you are waiting. This really struck me. How do I act when I have to wait longer than I feel I should for my child to complete a task? Especially when I believe the cause is not inability, but simple dawdling. How easy is it for mommy to blow her stack over these things?

Another thing that has made me happy is that we have been doing a fair amount of decluttering in our house. A week ago, we painted the master bedroom, and took the opportunity to completely declutter the room. What a relief! Then yesterday, we decluttered our son's room, tossing out two wastebaskets of stuff. This evening, we decluttered the "playroom / overflow / soon to be school" room. Another two wastebaskets of stuff. Wow -- that feels good! And best of all, dh is allowing me to order two tall vertical storage cabinets and some corner shelving to place in that room, and truly tidy things up, so we can finally really use it for school. I am so excited about this! When the project is finished, I will post some pix.

Thank you, Lord, for such a good and satisfying day. Amen.
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